Roseann Murphy on Play Empowers Quarantine Conference

Roseann Murphy, my friend and colleague, was recently invited to participate in Play Empowers Quarantine Conference presented by Kisha Reid. Starting in March and going through May, the conference has been a virtual tool for educators, parents and professionals alike. During her panel, Roseanne was able to talk about the early days of her career as an authority in early childhood education as well as offer some practical insight. This was 40 years after the conversation with Magda Gerber and surprisingly the conversation remains very similar which is a testament to the timelessness of Magda Gerber’s message. Below is a link to the full video of the conference and more from the conference can be seen by visiting the Play Empowers- Sharing the Power of Play facebook page.

Magda Gerber 40+ Years ago Reacting to Roseann Murphy's Presentation

Magda Gerber's reaction to Roseann Murphy's presentation over 40 years ago can be heard in this recently uncovered 1979 recording of "A Conversation With Magda Gerber: Infant/Infant Interactions."

In addition to Magda Gerbers commentary in her own voice, much more content and resources for parents and early childhood educators can be found on Roseann Murphy's blog, The Art of Caregiving. Click below to listen

Keeping children in mind during the spring holidays

When a holiday comes around there are many factors for a family to consider. After all, what should be an enjoyable time can end up in unwanted stress and pressure. When children are involved this can add an extra layer to special celebrations, religious traditions and national holidays.

In many cases the preparation and enthusiasm around holiday events creates a special environment where a child can participate even if they are not too familiar with the occasion. This makes for a unique opportunity adults can facilitate.

 When dealing with children consistency and coherency are two crucial tools for parents and holidays are no exception. Keeping this in mind encourages a smooth transition to the different people, places and events a child might encounter.

Taking into account the age of the child and communicating in short clear phrases is a good start. Explaining situations to a child in a simple way, and reminding them that the parent will be around throughout the holiday is a way to foster trust and security. With just this information communicated, the child will feel like they are with someone in control and feel free to relax and observe the festivities.

It is important to keep in mind that children require a little more time than adults to adjust to transitions. By finding simple ways to ease them through these transitions they will end up more relaxed and receptive to new traditions, celebrations and people. Activities such as reading books about the particular celebrations or even letting the child create their own holiday story are a great way to teach them traditions in a seamless fashion. When it comes to much younger children they can use crayons or markers to create holiday cards for relatives.

In some cases there may come situations where a child is in a crowd or exposed to different kinds of religious imagery they may not be able to fully grasp. While many parents may feel the inclination towards finding a distraction, reverting to silliness or simply trying to make them not give in to an impulse to cry. This is all best avoided with preparation on the parents part which could mean making some difficult decisions about what kind of holiday traditions or environments may simply not be appropriate for a child.

In the cases of holiday travel, including a child in the packing process by giving them some options to pick from is a great way to show them how things will change, and prepare them for being somewhere different. Likewise, allowing a child to travel with a favorite toy sometimes helps them to feel security by having with them something that connects them to their home.

The same is true for different foods a child may try for the first time while on a holiday trip. Again, relying on communication and consistency paired with some forethought, such as bringing some foods they are familiar with along, can be very helpful is easing what can be an abrupt change. This kind of attention will make the child feel both included and secure in participating in the holiday.

Like most things, holidays also come to an end so it is equally important to have that in mind and communicate to the child how this period of festivities will come and go. Keeping some of the books and mementos of the holiday around a little bit past the actual date will help bridge their transition back to their regular life. One great example is keeping plastic Easter eggs as sand-box toys.

The periods of transition to different situations are where children can gain confidence, credibility and a sense of security. Remembering to respect a child’s transition can make all the difference having a memorable holiday.

Preparandose Para Pascua

Cuando se trata de pensar en vacaciones en familia hay muchos factores que pueden marcar la diferencia entre disfrutarlas o vivir una experiencia con estrés y no lograr el objetivo de tener unos días de descanso en compañía de los más queridos.

En muchos casos las vacaciones coinciden con celebración de días especiales, fechas alusivas a eventos históricos o conmemoración de tradiciones religiosas. Cuando los niños forman parte de los  planes es importante tener en cuenta algunos factores y... a los niños.

Ya sea que se tomen unos días para pasar en familia aprovechando los feriados relacionados con celebraciones religiosas, como ocurre en esta época del año, o emprendiendo un viaje es común que el entusiasmo y la anticipación de preparativos cree un ambiente especial de júbilo del cual el niño es partícipe aunque no siempre tenga claro los motivos del alboroto familiar. Es ahí cuando la intervención de los adultos  se torna importante.

 La consistencia y la coherencia en el trato con los niños son herramientas muy importantes que no descansan en vacaciones y pueden ser muy útiles a los padres para una transición suave y acomodada a las necesidades del niño sobre todo cuando éste va a estar expuesto a  lugares, comidas y eventos diferentes a los habituales.

Las tradiciones se forman de a poco y con vivencias, y terminan siendo parte de la vida del ser humano. Es muy importante que los padres tengan presenten que los niños necesitan y merecen el tiempo para procesar y e ir conociendo ambientes, situaciones y personas  a su ritmo. No debe esperarse que algo muy apreciado por los padres sea adoptado por los niños inmediatamente  o que reaccione con gente que no conoce o no frecuenta, de la misma forma que con gente que está en su entorno cotidiano.

Teniendo en cuenta la edad del niño ayuda mucho explicarle con mensajes cortos y claros las variantes que va a haber en la familia por unos días y asegurarle que a pesar de los cambios de lugar, comidas y situaciones los padres estarán con él. Esta información le dará la seguridad  y la confianza que  alguien, en este caso el adulto, está en control de la situación.

En esta época del año las tradiciones relacionadas con la religión son ricas en eventos preparados  para la participación de los niños. A pesar de eso es importante adaptar estos eventos a la edad y la realidad de cada niño.

Leer libros alusivos a los festejos es una actividad que ayuda a incluir a los niños en el ambiente de celebración, así como también motivarlos para que cuenten o “lean” su propia historia.

 Cuando se trata de los más pequeños unos crayones o lápices de colores pueden ayudarlo a manifestarse artísticamente con tarjetas de saludos que ellos diseñen. 

También hay que tener presente que cuando no hay otra alternativa que llevar a un niño a un lugar muy concurrido o donde se representan escenas de corte religioso hay que considerar que los niños tiene una percepción diferente, decirle continuamente “no pasa, nada no llores “ o tratar de distraerlo en ese momento no ayuda. Lo más indicado es considerar de antemano qué evento es apropiado para la edad del niño y respetarlo cuando manifiesta de diferentes formas que no está listo para presenciar u oír determinado acto. Siempre es importante tomar  las precauciones necesarias para poner la seguridad del niño en primer lugar.

Cuando se trata de un viaje una forma de ayudar a  una transición suave al período de vacaciones puede ser incluir al niño en los preparativos de la valija, dándole opciones de colores, por ejemplo acerca de la ropa que va a usar  durante las vacaciones o que pueda poner algunas de sus pertenencias en la maleta, especialmente algo que valore y aprecie puede servirle para mantener la conexión con la casa y la vida cotidiana.

Lo mismo ocurre con alimentos tradicionales de un lugar o que formen parte de la tradición. Recurrir a la consistencia en diálogo y una breve explicación puede ayudar mucho así como estar preparado con algún alimento que le sea familiar. En todo caso se trata que adaptar las celebraciones al niño de modo que él pueda ser parte de las mismas, se sienta incluido y con la confianza que su forma de participar es aceptada y respetada.

Las vacaciones también terminan y es recomendable  hablar de ello días antes y comentar acerca del regreso a las actividades rutinarias, o incluir la opinión de los niños en la compra de algún regalo para un ser querido con el que no compartieron esos días.

  Mantener los libros alusivos en los estantes por el tiempo que sea necesario, puede ser el conector con las vacaciones  en cualquier momento, así como incorporar los huevos de pascua de plástico como moldes para usar en la caja de arena.

Los períodos de transición entre diferentes situaciones ayudan a los niños a desarrollar la confianza, la credibilidad y el sentido de seguridad.  Respetar la transición  puede hacer la diferencia  para unas vacaciones inolvidables.

- Magdalena S. Palencia

Relieving Separation Anxiety Through Communication

Communication between a parent or caregiver and an infant is fundamental for a child’s development. Even though it is the adult using words, the child is also participating in the conversation in different ways such as moving their eyes, using facial expressions and even crying. Maintaining and fostering a trusting bond of communication is an essential way to help a child through separation anxiety.

        After about 6 to 8 months, children begin to develop a sense of object permanence and start to express some separation anxiety. This is completely normal and expected. Though there may not have been substantial changes in the routines of the caregiver, the child will begin to express discomfort at times of separation, often crying loudly and inconsolably.  This can occur at bedtime, when a child is passed into someone else’s arms, or simply when the primary caregiver leaves the room for a moment. There are many ways a caregiver can help themselves and the child through this stage of development. Caregivers who are able to build a foundation of trust through honest, respectful and consistent communication will have invaluable tools for helping children overcome separation anxiety.

        A caregiver can foster trust through communication by consistently informing a child as to what is affecting them in a simple, clear and appropriate way. A popular example is telling a child, “I am going to pick you up now” before doing so. Similarly, a child might arch their torso in anticipation, or in the hopes, of being lifted out of bed. This kind of communication helps assure the child that they have a caregiver they can rely on to provide a safe, stable routine free of constantly unexpected situations. The child will not be left with the responsibility of constantly wondering what is going to happen next. Throughout time, a foundation of trust is built on this verbal and nonverbal dialogue between the child and caregiver.

        During times of separation, a trusting bond of communication between a caregiver and child will gradually alleviate the anxiety the child may feel. When a child is going through stages of separation anxiety saying goodbye, even for a quick errand, can be a real challenge for parents. To avoid these challenges some parents may resort to long drawn-out goodbyes, distractions, promises or elaborate stealthy escapes. Instead, it is important to try to anticipate how goodbyes can be particularly sensitive for a child. Keeping this in mind, parents can inform the child beforehand when they will be leaving and returning. Then, when the moment comes, parents can use brief words accompanied by reassuring body language to say goodbye.

Though the child may still cry, the constant trusting communication over time will help the child to be assured in knowing that their parents will come back. Additionally, the person left with the child can also contribute by acknowledging the child’s feelings and saying something like, “I understand you are sad, but your parents will come back. I will be here with you until they return. Meanwhile, would you like to play or read a book?” By providing their child with an environment where they know what to expect, where their feelings are acknowledged,  and their insecurities are addressed, parents are allowing their child space to slowly overcome their separation anxiety.

       Establishing a trusting bond of communication with a child from day one will enable parents and caregivers to be more supportive to a child experiencing any kind of anxiety. Beyond separation anxiety, parents can use this approach to let a child know, in a clear honest and appropriate way, what to expect at a doctors office, or prepare them for new a different things they may encounter on a vacation. When a child is allowed to grow up in an environment where they are treated with respect, honesty, stability and consistency, they will have a strong foundation to help them overcome separation as well as the many other challenges they will experience growing up.

 By Magdalena S. Palencia

Free play and the importance of the environment on development.

Here is an outstanding selection of articles about the importance of play and learning from Nature. By examining the effect the environment has on children’s ability to play, author Barbara Kiser, demonstrates how, “…infant scientists and young explorers thrive in the open air and through free play…”  

Accompanying this article is industrial and playground designer, Günter Beltzig’s analysis on the need to rethink playground design so that it takes into account the depth of research that already exists regarding free play and learning. 

“There is still no academic underpinning to playground-design theory, even though there is for graveyard design. The body of knowledge on children's behavior gathered by educationalists, psychologists and neuroscientists has not permeated playground design, so most such spaces fail to inspire play and the physical, emotional, social and psychological development that it engenders.” -Günter Beltzig

Read the full articles at Nature.com

PVstock.com/Alamy

Immersive, dynamic and multidimensional, nature can stimulate and engage the whole child.

Free play beyond the first 4 years

In the cover story for Wired magazine naming the next Steve Jobs, Joshua Davis, the author, cites the importance of exploring and problem solving independently. Many parents encourage their children when they are very young to play and freely explore the world around them, but once they start elementary school the separation begins. It is as if the age of free play and discovery ends with a child's first steps and ability to use the bathroom. Playing and exploring take a back seat to "learning" and "studying." This Wired article underlines how important exploration is as children grow older and older. Given a computer and little instruction, a group of children were able to self organize and in a structured manner learn how to use it. In this way they let their formal education be a supplement to their natural creativity and need to explore. This is not to say that running around in a field or trips to the zoo should replace biology classes or that teachers should be replaced with iPads and computers. The key is finding a way to help young students use both the tools they are given through traditional methods of learning such as memorization and repetition, and their own creativity. For teachers the importance is in being able to recognize and foster a child's creativity by having the patience and restraint to know when to step back and let them become their own teacher.
-Magdalena S. Palencia

How a Radical New Teaching Method Could Unleash a Generation of Geniuses

"Over the next 75 days, the children worked out how to use the computer and began to learn. When Mitra returned, he administered a written test on molecular biology. The kids answered about one in four questions correctly. After another 75 days, with the encouragement of a friendly local, they were getting every other question right. “If you put a computer in front of children and remove all other adult restrictions, they will self-organize around it,” Mitra says, “like bees around a flower.”"

Read the rest of this incredible article at Wired.com http://www.wired.com/business/2013/10/free-thinkers

A genuine approach to communication: Building trust and avoiding mixed messages.

Communication between an adult and a child is a two way street. Responding to a child’s smile or when they are expressing their discomfort with a cry is one of the many ways adults recognize the communication tools of a child. Studies confirm how talking to a child from the very first day benefits them as they learn reading, writing and problem solving. Though adults are accustomed to using verbal language to communicate, children grow first up using body language and non-verbal communication. It is essential for adults to maintain consistency in their verbal and non-verbal communication to avoid confusions that might end up affecting a child.

A common way in which a child may be getting mixed messages is when adults change their voice to talk to a child. Adults may use baby talk to communicate with children because of tradition, cultural environments or simply out of emotion. Understanding what messages a child is receiving from such changes in an adult’s voice will be more apparent in the motivation behind doing so. Most commonly adults change their voice as a means of being warm and caring towards a child. A child will be able to read that they are being approached in this way so long as the love and affection is not expressed in an exaggerated or overwhelming way. Confusion arises when adults try to hide their obviously anxious or frustrated demeanor behind an insincere smile or a cute sounding voice. 

This often happens when something is very clearly wrong and, “for the sake of the baby” adults try to pretend everything is okay. A child who is constantly being shielded, through fake smiles and silly faces, from an uncomfortable situation will be confused and not know what to do. In cases when an adult is visibly upset, tired or angry they should, in an age appropriate manner, let a child present know. It is a means of communicating to the child that they too have the freedom to express any range of emotions when they feel them. It is not only happy or fun emotions that deserve attention and validation. Genuine interactions are what build trust between an adult and a child.

Parents are not always able to watch over their children and may have to turn to caregivers or daycares. Choosing who will be with their child is a matter of finding a person or institution parents feel they can truly trust. It is imperative that parents communicate to their children, in their words as well as demeanor, the respect, confidence and value they have for their caregiver. This will help the child feel secure when under their watch. Dismissive or condescending attitudes undermine any trust parents can hope their child will have with their caregiver. This not only affects the relationship between the caregiver and child, but it may also have an affect on how the child feels valued. Many times parents will see their children’s discomfort from a day with a caregiver or at a daycare for any number of reasons. In an effort to help their child overcome it, the parents may offer a treat or some sort of reward after the fact. If a child is communicated the message that they are being routinely placed in an uncomfortable setting by their parents they will lose both trust in the caregiver as well as confidence in their parents. When situations arise, at a daycare or with a caregiver where the child may not be as willing to go, the best approach for a parent is to address in a genuine manner what it is that is making the child uncomfortable and then assure them that they will be with someone they know and trust in a safe place. This sends the clear message to the child that the parents are in control of the situation and they can be free to enjoy the day. It is important to keep in mind that the process of development of children is affected by separation from parents. This is why sometimes from one day to the next a child may manifest a completely different attitude about being separated.

Children look to their parents as models for how they should behave(http://magdalenaspalencia.blogspot.com/2012/08/modeling-behavior-little-versions-of-us.html). Confusion arises for children when their same behavior at two different times provokes two completely different reactions. For example, if a parent gives a child a toy that makes noises, they will play with it and have fun watching the child discover and react to the different noises. After a while, more likely than not, the parents will grow less fond of that toy much faster than the child. Perhaps while on a phone call or after a hard days work, a child may suddenly feel the need to show their advanced understanding of volume with the toy. They could then be met with anger or disapproval. These moments can confuse a child who may not understand the full context of the situation. From the child’s perspective, what one day was so much fun for everyone, now inexplicably seems to be causing a problem. To help them to understand the differences, it is important to address briefly and simply how there are different times when it is better to do different things.

Children continuously learn by observing their parents and those around them. It is important to understand that this takes place at all times and during all interactions, even if it is not the intention of the adult. Keeping consistency between verbal communication and body language by genuinely interacting with children is the best way to communicate with a child and avoid confusion.

Incluyendo a los Niños en las Celebraciones

El estrés que muchas personas sienten durante la temporada de vacaciones puede llegar a ser un desafío inesperado para las familias con niños pequeños. Durante ese período los horarios y las rutinas del resto del año se modifican sustancialmente. Si estos cambios son suficientes para causar estrés  al más preparado y paciente de los adultos, es de esperar que los niños pequeños sientan algún nivel de ansiedad.
Muchos padres hacen todo lo posible para tratar de adaptar la relación con sus hijos a las exigencias de la temporada de vacaciones con la esperanza de que el niño poco a poco entienda, acepte y disfrute el significado de todo lo que sucede en esa época. Sin embargo, la estrategia más efectiva es adaptar la forma de celebrar las fiestas a las necesidades de todos los miembros de la familia, incluyendo los niños más pequeños.
No se puede subestimar la importancia de la coherencia y la continuidad en el desarrollo de un niño. Los niños adquieren el sentido seguridad, comodidad y confianza cuando en sus vidas prevalece la consistencia . Cuando un niño crece en un ambiente donde ésto es respetado tiene la libertad de expresarse sin tener que preocuparse por los horarios inciertos o eventos inesperados. Cuando diferentes dinámicas familiares cambian durante la temporada de vacaciones es aún más importante apegarse a las rutina del niño. Dado que los cambios pueden abrumar a los niños, es importante implementarlos en la forma más apropiada y cómoda para ellos. Por ejemplo, si la rutina de la comida se ve alterada en lugar y horario, se puede considerar presentarle los mismos alimentos y mantener la misma forma de interacción respetuosa con la persona que los acompaña de la misma manera que están acostumbrados. Del igual modo, cuando es tiempo de cambiar un pañal, a pesar de estar en un lugar diferente, los padres deben seguir el mismo proceso familiar de dar a su hijo la privacidad y la atención a la que están acostumbrados. Cuando no hay más remedio que interrumpir el ritmo de la vida de un niño, es importante informarle de los cambio en una forma simple y clara. Esto ayuda a reducir la ansiedad del niño porque recibe el mensaje que puede confiar, que está al cuidado de alguien que tiene control sobre la situación.
Adaptar las celebraciones a las necesidades del niño no quiere decir dejar pasar la temporada sin que el niño note cualquier cambio, más bien significa asegurarse de que el niño pueda participar de manera apropiada para su edad. Es muy importante para muchas familias compartir con sus hijos el motivo de las tradiciones de las fiestas. Algunos padres esperan que los niños capten rápidamente el significado de las diferentes actividades durante los días de festejos tales como reuniones, regalos y viajes. Sin embargo, si ésto no se le presenta de una manera acorde con su edad es muy posible que se sientan desconcertados y sin entender por qué esa señora mayor pellizca sus mejilla o por qué todo el mundo está pendiente de su reacción cada vez que abre un paquete. Un niño tendrá una mejor idea de lo que significan los diferentes tradiciones cuando puede participar en las actividades previas a las fiestas, como la elección del papel de regalo o hacer una tarjeta para una persona determinada. Además, permitiéndoles, sin tener que aprobar un curso intensivo de artesanías, hacer su propio regalo y envolverlo da a los niños una mejor perspectiva del significado de dar y recibir un presente. Ellos comenzarán a percibir los regalos como una expresión de amor más allá del valor del objeto en sí . Además, pueden aprender a disfrutar de un día de fiesta participando en la decoración de lo que ellos hacen o asignándoles un lugar donde pueden exponer sus decoraciones.
Sin embargo, entre las tradiciones festivas menos agradables, como ir de compras a tiendas llenas de gente, son situaciones que los padres, por diferentes motivos, no pueden evitar. Cuando no hay más remedio que llevar a un niño a un ambiente caótico, como un centro comercial, de todos modos hay maneras de tornar la experiencia en algo un poco más agradable. Una forma de hacerlo es tomar un momento para separar al niño de la zona más concurrida y hablar con él por un momento, responder preguntas o simplemente compartir un poco acerca de lo que se está comprando. Esto es una gran oportunidad para tomar un respiro, pero más importante aún, podría ser una oportunidad para demostrar estrategias activas de memoria.
Cuando un padre comparte brevemente con su hijo lo que quiere comprar, para quién, cómo elegir el regalo, y cómo se va usar está exponiendo al niño implícitamente a pensar en forma ordenada y a desarrollar habilidades para resolver problemas.Aunque gran parte del estrés de las fiestas proviene de los preparativos para el día del festejo, a veces la parte más agradable es todo lo que sucede justo antes. Incluir a los niños en los preparativos es una manera de empezar las celebraciones temprano ayudando a crear hermosos recuerdos y al mismo tiempo asistirlo en su desarrollo evolutivo

Parenting During the Holidays is an Enjoyable Experience when Children are Included

The stress that many people feel during the holiday season may come as an unexpected challenge for families with young children. During this time the schedules and routines of the rest of the year change substantially. If these changes are enough to cause even the most prepared and patient of adults to feel stress and pressure then it could be expected that small children will inevitably feel some anxiety. Many parents do their best to try to adapt their parenting to the demands of the holiday season in hopes that their child will slowly understand the meaning of everything. However, the most effective strategy is to instead, adapt the way they celebrate the holidays to suit the needs of everyone in the family including the youngest children.

There is no underestimating the importance of consistency and continuity in the development of a child. Children gain a sense of security, comfort and trust from consistency. When a child grows up in an environment where this is respected, they can freely learn and express themselves without becoming preoccupied by uncertain schedules or unexpected events. They are given the patience to focus on the activity at hand and learn from it. When different family dynamics change during the holiday season it becomes even more important to stick to a child's routine. Because major changes can overwhelm children it is important to make them as seamless as possible. For example, though a child may not be eating in the same place they are used to from their schedule or time at home, they can still feel comfortable during meals by eating the same foods at the same time with someone who accompanies them in the same patient manner they are used to. Similarly, when it is time to change a diaper, despite being in a different place, the parents should keep the same familiar process of giving their child the privacy and attention they will be accustomed to. When there is no other option but to disrupt the rhythm in the life of a child, it is important to address to the child in a clear simple manner about what may have changed. This will greatly reduce anxiety a child may feel because they will trust that they are in the care of someone in control.

Adjusting the holidays season for the needs of a child does not mean letting the season pass without the child noticing any change, it means making sure that the child can participate in an age appropriate manner. It is very important for many families to share with their children the meaning and traditions of different holidays. Some parents expect that children will quickly pick up the meaning of different activities during the holidays such as reunions, gift giving and travel. However, if this is not presented to a child in a way they can understand they will be bewildered by who the old woman is pinching their cheeks or why everyone is staring at them when they are opening a box. A child will have a better sense of what different traditions mean when they are involved in activities leading up to the holidays such as choosing the wrapping paper or making a card for a certain relative. Also, letting them, without a crash course in crafts, make their own gift or try their hand at wrapping gives children a better perspective on what it means when they give and receive something from someone. They will begin to learn gift giving as an expression of love beyond the value of the gift its self. Similarly in their own life, they can learn about a holiday by being involved in decorations be it making them or choosing where to put them.

However, there are some less pleasant holiday traditions, such as shopping in crowded stores, that sometimes a parent may be unable to avoid making their child a part of. There are still ways for parents to make the experience more pleasant when there is no alternative but to have a child with them in a chaotic environment such as a mall. One such way is to take just a moment to separate the child from a more crowded area and speak with them for a moment, answer questions or just share a little bit about what they are shopping for. This is both a great opportunity to take a tiny breather, but more importantly it could be a chance to demonstrate active memory strategies. When a parent shares briefly with their child what they are there to buy, where they can find it and what they will use it for they are demonstrating problem solving skills.

Though much of the stress of the holidays comes from wanting to be prepared for when the big day finally comes, sometimes the most enjoyable part is everything that happens just before. Including children in the preparations is a way to start the holidays early by creating lovely memories while at the same time helping them in their personal development.

La Conducta de los Padres se Refleja en los Niños

Desde que nacen los niños aprenden del ambiente que los rodea. Las personas cercanas al niño participan de este proceso de aprendizaje Es a ellos a quienes los niños observan y también son ellos los que muestran al niño diferentes formas de ser constantemente. Los niños imitan o copian a sus padres en la forma que hablan, en los gestos y en la forma que se relacionan con otras personas. Este fase de aprendizaje crítico, conocido como modelado, ocurre constantemente y juega un papel importante en el comportamiento de los niños.

Muchos padres ven a sus hijos como pequeñas versiones de sí mismos y en cierta forma esto es cierto. Ellos se sienten orgullosos cuando ven que sus mejores cualidades se reflejan en el proceder de sus hijos, pero por otro lado les cuesta mucho aceptar que los niños también copian de ellos conductas no tan agradables. Los padres son el ejemplo continuo de la conducta del niño y como tal, deben reflejar en todo momento con su comportamiento el ejemplo que quieren que su hijo adopte.

El modelar un buen ejemplo para los niños no se va a reflejar en un cambio inmediato en su comportamiento . Para que el niño adopte el modelo al que se le expone necesita observar, asimilar y luego aplicar la conducta que ve y esto es un proceso que lleva tiempo. Esta es la razón por la cual paciencia y constancia son herramientas esenciales para los padres que quieren ayudar a sus hijos a modificar su comportamiento. Un niño que crece en un entorno con consistencia en sus rutinas, en las reglas que se usan en la familia, y en la forma en que se le habla, desarrolla seguridad y confianza en sí mismo y en los demás.

Los niños que crecen en un entorno con consistencia en la forma que son tratados, son más relajados y se sienten cómodos con el ritmo cotidiano para comer, dormir y jugar. Teniendo esto en cuenta, la consistencia en la rutina es una importante herramienta para los padres que quieren modificar un específico comportamiento de sus hijos.

Una forma sencilla de ser coherente en la forma de comportarse es cuando los padres enseñan a sus hijos a saludar a los demás. A menudo, cuando visitamos a amigos o familiares, sin importar la edad, los niños son sometidos a un curso acelerado en la etiqueta de saludo en el momento antes de tocar el timbre. Por otra parte cuando llega el momento de despedirse, muchas veces son físicamente obligados a abrazar alguien o que uno de los adultos levanten el brazo del niño haciéndoles hacer el gesto de adiós. A pesar de todo esto nada garantiza que el niño va a recordar estos rituales y mucho menos que colabore en cumplirlos la siguiente vez que esté en esa situación. La esperanza que todas estas expectativas se cumplan un instante antes de una nueva interacción sólo alimentan inseguridad y ansiedad.
Por otro lado, un niño que siempre ve a sus padres saludar a amigos, extraños y compañeros de trabajo recibe el mensaje que saludar es parte de la vida entre seres humanos y si a eso se suma una explicación paciente de la importancia del saludo, el niño adoptará el saludo como parte de interacción con otras personas.

Considerando la influencia del comportamiento de los padres en los niños, es importante que las personas que pasan tiempo con ellos, cuando los padres no están, tengan los valores y normas de conductas que los padres quieren que sus hijos tengan como ejemplo. Esta quizás es una de las condiciones más importantes para los padres cuando van a contratar a un profesional para hacerse cargo del niño en su ausencia . No sólo debe ser un profesional de confianza, además debe exhibir hábitos y valores que están en consonancia con los de la familia, lo cual es de suma importancia. Los estudios sugieren que el comportamiento o estado mental, como la depresión, de una educadora puede afectar a un niño.
Hay que tener en cuenta que un niño nunca deja de buscar a sus padres para obtener ejemplos sobre cómo modelar su propio comportamiento. Esto puede hacer a reflexionar a los padres sobre cómo un observador externo podría percibir su interacción con otras personas.
Aquí es donde los niños adquieren valores como la valentía, la integridad, la autenticidad, pero también, actitudes como la condescendencia, arrogancia, la soberbia. Los niños perciben matices en el comportamiento de sus padres.
Apreciar la importancia del trabajo y el establecimiento de metas son algunos de los valores, que sin proponérselo, pueden inculcar en sus hijos a través de su propia actitud ante la vida, sin necesidad de darle una conferencia de la importancia del trabajo en la vida de una persona. Del mismo modo, las sutilezas en algunas de las interacciones también puede influir al niño. Por ejemplo, si un padre trata a la educadora del niño diferente que a un amigo o familiar, pone al niño en la posición de no entender porqué algunas personas deben ser tratadas mejor que otras. Cuando los padres contratan a una ama de llaves, que pueden no tener los medios para rechazar un poco de trabajo extra, y a la que también le encargan el cuidado del niño están inculcando en sus hijos los beneficios de tomar ventaja de los demás. Cuando los niños crecen viendo la marca de ropa de sus compañeros antes de tomar la decisión de hacerse amigo de ellos no debiera sorprender que una parte importante de su educación estuvo en manos de alguien más interesado en lo superficial. Obviamente estos rasgos no son asimilados de un día para otro, los niños buscan patrones y consistencia incluso en las interacciones de los padres para encontrar el modelo de comportamiento.

Los padres a menudo consideran que para ser un buen modelo, tienen que convertirse en una persona completamente diferente cuando el niño está presente. Sin embargo, es imposible ser dos personas completamente diferentes. Desde edad temprana los niños pueden percibir esta dualidad. Algunos estudios han encontrado que los niños empiezan a comunicarse mediante la lectura de las expresiones faciales y pueden notar la diferencia entre una sonrisa sincera y una que esconde el dolor. Por esta razón, es importante que los padres sean auténticos en sus interacciones con los hijos. En un esfuerzo por proteger a sus hijos de malestar o tristeza , hay padres que prefieren mantener las conversaciones adultas lejos de los oídos del niño. Obviamente que para tratar situaciones más graves van a preferir más privacidad. Lógicamente que es saludable para a un niño no presenciar ese tipo de conversaciones, pero cuando los padres luego de una conversación muy seria o hasta violenta tratan de aparentar delante del niño que nada ha pasado terminan por confundir al niño. Además considerando la frustración de los padres de no poder esconder sus sentimientos reales, modelan ante el niño una conducta dual y falsa. Todo esto puede conducir a que el niño desarrolle un mecanismo de autodefensa ante situaciones serias.

En estas circunstancias lo mejor es decirle al niño que hay una situación especial y explicarle en forma breve y simple, y considerando la edad del niño, que a veces hay situaciones complicadas y no agradables, pero que los adultos van a tratar de solucionar el problema y asegurarle al niño que él va a estar bien.

A veces los niños son testigos de situaciones muy intensas, como una pelea a los gritos, o una tragedia. Especialmente en estos casos, es importante hacer frente a lo que está sucediendo y tranquilizar a los niños asegurandoles que todo esta bajo control y que finalmente todo pasará. Este tipo de conducta le está enseñando al niño cómo mantener el control durante situaciones difíciles. A menudo, los niños experimentan el lado más animado de las emociones, como la ira, la desilusión o incluso la felicidad extrema. Es importante tener presente que los niños pueden sentirse abrumados por las emociones buenas igual que por las emociones tristes o violentas y ambos casos pueden resultar en frustración y lágrimas, ya que aún no están familiarizados cómo se controlan o entienden esas emociones. Los niños también prestan atención cómo sus padres actúan cuando están frustrados, enojados o abrumados por la emoción. En resumen, un padre que golpea una puerta con ira inevitablemente tendrá en algún momento también un par de manos pequeñas golpeando una puerta. Por esta razón, es importante reconocer la existencia de situaciones que despiertan emociones negativas cuando es el momento apropiado, en lugar de tratar de esconderlas.

Comprendiendo el efecto del comportamiento adulto sobre los niños, les da a los padres la oportunidad de poner en práctica ellos mismos el cambio que quieren lograr en la conducta o hábitos en la vida del niño. Esto es especialmente importante cuando los padres se dan cuenta que hay algo que están acostumbrados a hacer que quieren cambiar o ajustar para ayudar a su hijo. Por ejemplo, cuando las familias cambian a una dieta saludable o tratar de establecer límites firmes. En estas circunstancias, es importante notificar primero al niño que habrá un cambio y explicar cómo será el cambio; entonces, los padres pueden modificar su comportamiento y mantenerse en la nueva rutina ayudando con su ejemplo a que el niño adopte el nuevo comportamiento más fácilmente.

Por ejemplo -Yo se que siempre te dejamos comer dulces cuando quieres, pero como es mejor para ti, de ahora en adelante vamos a cambiar, y los dulces los puedes comer después de la comida-.

A modo de aclaración siempre es importante tener en cuenta la edad y el nivel de desarrollo de un niño. Referir una situación a un niño significa explicarle algo en forma apropiada a su edad y a su desarrollo emocional. Los niños no tienen tienen la capacidad de procesar y entender cosas como la muerte, promociones o viaje, pero presentando esta situaciones de una manera paciente y simple lo ayudará a aceptar los cambios que esas situaciones presentan.
A los padres que conscientes de cómo su propio comportamiento influye en su hijo pueden pensar que solo siendo candidato a Premio Nobel no van a exponer a sus hijos a modelos inadecuados, deben recordarles que aprender de los errores es una de las lecciones más importantes como modelo de conducta. Cada persona es quien es.

Después de todo que mejor momento para hacer cambios positivos en la vida que cuando las consecuencias de las propias acciones afectan a la formación de una nueva persona.


Referencias:
 http://extension.missouri.edu/explorepdf/hesguide/humanrel/gh6115.pdf
http://www.marshfieldnewsherald.com/article/20120706/MNH04/207060367/Column-Caregivers-aid-early-childhood-brain-development

Modeling Behavior: Little Versions of Us.

From the moment they are born, children learn by observing their surroundings.  Those close to the child are constantly participating in the process of learning. Children will notice those around them and will use them as an example of how to model their behavior. Children will imitate or copy their parents, in the way they talk, gesture and conduct themselves. This critical process of learning, known as modeling, is continually happening and plays a significant role in the behavior of children.

Many parents lightheartedly refer to their children as little versions of themselves and from a modeling perspective this holds true. Parents delight in seeing their best qualities reflected in the behavior of their children. Parent, on the other hand may fail to recognize when a child’s behavior reflect those traits they are not as proud of. Parents are the continuous example of behavior for the child and as such, should at all times reflect in their behavior the example they want their child to follow.

Modeling good examples for children will not immediately mark a turning point in the child’s behavior. Observing, interpreting and then applying what they are exposed to is a process that takes time. This is why patience and consistency are essential tools for parents to use in helping to modify their child’s behavior. When a child grows up in an environment with consistency in their routines, in the rules that are used within the family and how they are talked to, it gives the child a sense of security. Children who grow in an environment with consistency are more relaxed. They will feel comfortable with the rhythm in which they eat, sleep and play in. Keeping this in mind, parents who are looking to adjust a certain behavior will do so best by modeling the behavior they seek to instill in their child in the context of a routine.

A simple way to see the value of consistency and modeling at work is when parents teach their children to greet others. Often when visiting friends or relatives, no matter what age, children are subject to an accelerated course in greeting etiquette the moment before the doorbell is rung. Then, when they forget to say or wave goodbye they will either be forced into the arms of another person or will have their arm violently waved for them, and yet they will not change the next time around. Suddenly placing all these expectations an instant before a new or irregular interaction will only feed insecurity and anxiety. On the other hand, a child who always sees their parents greet friends, strangers and co-workers and is, within their routine, shown and patiently explained the importance of greeting will recognize acknowledging and greeting people as a part of the routine of interaction.

Considering the role modeling plays in a child’s life, parents should expect other persons who will spend time with their children to exhibit the kind of behavior they wish to see reflected in their child. This is perhaps one of the most important things for parents to keep in mind when seeking  a caregiver. They should not only be a trusted professional, but should exhibit habits and values that are in line with those of the family. There is no understating the importance of this. Studies suggest that the demeanor or mental condition, such as depression, of a caregiver can greatly affect a child.
It is important to consider that a child never stops looking to their parents for examples on how to model their own behavior. This may cause many parents to reflect on how an outside observer would perceive their own interaction with other people. This is where children pick up traits such as courage, integrity, conviction, but also, arrogance condescension, entitlement. Children perceive nuances in the behavior of their parents. Taking pride in hard work and setting goals are some traits parents may unknowingly instill in their children through their own attitude towards life, without having to resort to a major lecture. Similarly, the subtleties of some of grown up interactions can also resonate with a child. For example, if a parent treats a child's caregiver differently than they do a friend or relative, it is left to the child to try to make sense of why some people should be treated better than others. When parents choose to talk a housekeeper, who may not have the means to refuse a little extra work, into also caring for their child they are instilling in their child the benefits of taking advantage others. When children grow up looking at the brand of clothing of their peers before deciding to befriend them it should come as no surprise that for a major part of their upbringing they were cared for by someone more concerned with the superficial. Clearly these traits are not picked up from one day to another, but children will look for patterns and consistency even in their parents interactions to find behavior to model.

Parents are often concerned that to be a good model, they have to become a completely different person when the child is around. However, it is impossible to be two completely different people and even at an early age children can perceive this. Some studies have found that children begin to communicate by reading facial expressions and can notice the difference between a genuine smile and one that is hiding pain. For this reason it is important parents exhibit authenticity in their interactions.

In an effort to protect their children from discomfort or even sadness, parents will remove themselves completely from the vicinity of the child to have their adult conversation. Obviously, the more lively, animated or serious the situation the further removed they will be from the child. Clearly it is healthy to keep a child away from an adult interaction, but when parents then try to act as if nothing happened in front of the child they end up confusing the child. They may become even more frustrated at not be capable of hiding emotion as well as the example their parents set, or even worse they could develop that as their defense mechanism. In these situations it is best to patiently and in an age appropriate manner address when there is something out of the ordinary happening and the child will be alright.

Sometimes children are witness to either very intense or emotional situations such as an unexpected shouting match or a tragedy. Especially in these cases, it is important to address what is happening and reassure children things are under control and it will pass. This model for the child they can gain control even in a difficult situation. Often children will experience the more animated side of emotions, such as anger, disappointment or even extreme happiness. It is important to keep in mind children can be overwhelmed by good emotion as much as bad emotion and both may result in frustration and tears because they are not yet familiar with how one controls or understands those emotions. A child will pay close attention to how their parents act when they are frustrated, angry or overwhelmed with emotion. In short, a parent who slams a door in anger will inevitably have a tiny set of hands slam one on them. For this reason, it is important to address the existence of negative of really intense emotions when it is a good time and in an appropriate manner instead of trying to hide them.

Understanding the effect of modeled behavior on children, parents can take advantage when it comes time for any change. This is especially important to keep in mind when parents realize there is something they are accustomed to doing they want to either change or adjust to help their child. This often happens when families switch to a healthy diet or try to establish firmer boundaries and limits. In these circumstances it is important to first notify the child that there will be a change and what the change will be. Then, as parents model the routines and stick with them, the child will ease into the transition.

As a point of clarification, it is important to always keep in mind the age and level of development of a child. To address a situation to a child means explaining something to them in manner appropriate to their level. They may not even have the capacity to process and understand things such a death, promotions or travel, but by consistently presenting these things in a patient and consistent manner as they arise a child will become more comfortable with their own ability to deal with different kinds of change. Parents who acknowledge the degree to which their own behavior influences their child may be concerned that they should shoot for a Nobel Prize so as not to set a bad example for their child, should take comfort in the fact knowing learning from your mistakes is one of the most significant lessons they can be model. You are who you are. It is, of course, important to note there is no better time to make a positive change in life than when the consequences of your actions affect the formation of a new person.

References:
http://extension.missouri.edu/explorepdf/hesguide/humanrel/gh6115.pdf
http://www.marshfieldnewsherald.com/article/20120706/MNH04/207060367/Column-Caregivers-aid-early-childhood-brain-development